The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
