You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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