It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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