You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
