Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
