you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
only you would photoshop your dick
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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