Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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