Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
