she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
