Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
