he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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