i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I forget how to act sober
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
