I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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