Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
