I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
