Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize