Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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