please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
