Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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