But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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