on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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