we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
