mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
