If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
