he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Enjoy the penises
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
