Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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