im about as happy as oj after his trial
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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