yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
