He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
they need to just BURY HIM!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
