he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
