big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
