you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
