u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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