I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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