Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What drink are we having for lunch?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
