Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
