So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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