I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
