I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
