He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ladies don't puke and tell
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
