i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
