Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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