Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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