when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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