So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
