she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
