Swine flu. Run for my life!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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