WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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