I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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