I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
