Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Who died my cat blue again?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
