I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
