Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
