trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i need some magic done to my vagina
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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