this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
