and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
