We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
