11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
