just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
