Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
