I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
