Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
