Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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