tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My hand turned me down
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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