i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
