you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
