Moan for me like Helen Keller
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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