Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
