Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
im on a boat
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