Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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