I'm drive I can fine osifer
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just had sex on a roof
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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