Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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