that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
