I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
