Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it was like eating out sand paper
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
