Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
