Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
