the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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