Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
