My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize