I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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