god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
